Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
