I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't turn off my feet"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
