I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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