i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
