Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
