playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
