We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
another moral hangover. fuck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
