You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
