I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
