no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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