dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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