I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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