I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize