the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
