You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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