Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
