you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize