My first STD was from a foam party
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
