Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
