And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
