I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize