My pussy is not your playground.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
