You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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