last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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