Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
