My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
zippers are such a cool invention
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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