He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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