I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
