I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
