people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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