It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
