I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
