I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
