A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
