Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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