Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
