Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
