I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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