then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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