Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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