He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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