Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
