i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
