Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
