would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
