It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
