I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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