I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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