Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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