I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
