Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize