The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
