my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize