Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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