Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
