Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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