yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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