So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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