how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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