its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
