I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
