Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize