No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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