This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize