I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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