You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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