She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
