you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Boobs speak an international language.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize