I accidentally had phone sex last night
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
