i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
