i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
