Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
