i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
