Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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