why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i came on her dog
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
