smell my finger.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
