she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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