I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
