i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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