He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize