At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
