I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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